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1.  He drank the whole bottle of wine and then called you—and he was crying, crying.  I didn’t know what to say as you stood there laughing so I opened the vodka and closed my eyes and took a drink and thought: It’s amazing how you could love something so much up to a certain point and then suddenly not give a damn anymore.  I was so young then; I didn’t know what to say.  I had not yet tasted love, or lust, or blood in my mouth.  I could only imagine his tears falling softly, the bottle dripping, a wine red ocean forming on the carpet.  I did not yet understand that love stains everything.  

2.  You handed me a water bottle full of Disaronno and I refused to kiss you.  I found a bottle of rum in my pillow case—I let you lay on top of me in the dark.  I sat in the car as you snuck in the house and stole fourteen cans of shitty fucking beer.  We drank it in the car and threw the cans out the window.  I pretended not to notice your shaky hands, your soft stare.  Why was I so proud of making you suffer?

3.  Eddie’s bed broke in the middle of the night, but we were ten shots in and the floor felt just as fine.  I woke up drunk and naked and ashamed.  He was still wearing his fucking shirt.

4.  They kicked you out of the bar for crying too loudly, so you called me and told me that you’d love me forever.  I never replied.  Neither one of us was lying.

5.  I drank a fifth of Bacardi straight out of the bottle and then called you and said—listen, I can taste you like blood in my mouth.  I have a small bruise for every time you’ve kissed me.  Love stains everything, everything, I love you.
five things i've never written about before.
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